your thong is hanging out like whoa
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
