I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
