Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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