I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
