His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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