she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
