Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Someone came in the potted fern
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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