How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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