This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
