Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You smell like stripper and shame
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
