the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
