I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
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buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
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I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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