All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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