Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize