i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
