I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
