I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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