During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
