She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
