i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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