my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am spending my child support on dildos
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
