My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
