He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
