shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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