I think I just saw someone hide a body.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
