the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
