she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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