I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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