here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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