He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
