Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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