It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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