Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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