Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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