You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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