After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
