I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the condom got lost in my hair
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
