So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
