if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
