I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
