My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
