I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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