mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
