I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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