she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
