that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He shit in the fireplace
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
