??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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