he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
