I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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