Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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