I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
