How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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