are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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