I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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