Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
