dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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