one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
