I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
