last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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