Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
