my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
