There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
