Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
