who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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